Ferdinand Vanek Award 2017 > Plagues > Plagues - extract

Plagues - extract

Ill doctor: /…/ There are cold meals, groceries, meals are distributed from eight to ten, then from one o’clock to three, and later just as you wish, the access to the pantry is unlimited, is everything clear?
Chronically Ill: (peeping inside) Oh, I can see that you store apples in a coffin, very nice, very nice. It is good to know that there are places where the coffins serve for storing apples.
Ill doctor: In wooden containers things air well. I’ve been ill for many years. Before the crisis, I used to be a restaurant owner, I was in charge of catering. Especially fruit. Then the crisis came and as you can see – I ended up in the hospital. From ill person to another ill person, from mouth to mouth. Twenty years of ailing. When the crisis came, I asked myself: what else do I know well? Nobody understands an ill person better than another ill person. Has a doctor ever told you anything you didn’t learn when you were ill yourself? And the methods that I use – you know, they are effective because I know they do not help. I know it from my own experience.
Tailors, shoemakers, waiters are founding their own hospitals, that’s the time we live in. You come to us and we keep you here for many years. Why go outside? For what? It is not necessary to impose oneself on the world, we will look after you.
You ask yourself what difference there is, a hospital or a restaurant, if in both they look after people, from mouth to mouth.
Chronically Ill: I’d be interested.
(Tailor enters with a tape measure.)
Ill doctor: Finally, welcome.
Tailor: Good morning.
Ill doctor: This gentleman would like to get into our Hospital.
(To Chronicall Ill) Please, lift your arms up.
     Oh. Great.
     You can put them down now.
     Remember: here, you can always close your eyes.
Chronically Ill: Shall I cough or something?
Ill doctor: There’s enough capacity, so if you would like to be ill and there are means –
Chronically Ill: (coughing) It’s nothing special, but it should be sufficient for the start.
Ill doctor: If you want to be cured, you do not need to be ill, it’s enough for us – we trust our patients.
Chronically Ill: No, no – I have a cough.
     It’s not much, but it’s just for the start, a deposit.
Ill doctor: Please, show me your tongue.
(Chronically Ill sticks out his tongue, Tailor takes out a thimble out of his sewing kit, puts in onto his finger, taps a few times on his tongue.)
     Good job with the tongue.